One very important part of sports is the relationship between an athlete and parents. So on that note, I want to share two excellent statements from top notch coaches on this subject.
The first statement is from Coach Cael Sanderson. Coach Sanderson is a four time NCAA wrestling champion, an Olympic Wrestling Champion, and has coached his Penn State wrestling team to three consecutive D1 National Titles.
When asked what advice he gives parents to help their athletes succeed, this was a part of his response...
I tell them that the biggest mistake parents can make with their children in athletics (or anything for that matter) is to blur the lines between why they support and love them. It is very easy for kids to mistake why a parent is proud of them. Kids need to know that their parents love them just because they are their son or daughter.
To help kids reach their greatest potential, they need to know that their parents support their effort--not whether they win or lose. A lot of parents give their kids the impression that they are only proud of them if they win.
Parents are the most important people in the world to their kids.
If a kid thinks he has to win to make his parents proud of him--that is a ton of pressure. In my opinion, that is the greatest pressure in the world, especially for a kid. A parent not being proud of you is far more frightening then the scariest opponent. Most kids won't last long in sports in that kind of environment. And the kids who do tough it out, or have no choice, are usually the ones who develop mental problems. They are the ones who usually end up being labeled "head cases." The kids whose parents simply expect their best effort in training and in competition are the ones who have the better chance of reaching their potential.
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| Nick pointing to his Awesome Mom and Dad after Winning a State Championship! |
This second statement is from long time Coach Bruce Brown. Coach Brown has coached at the middle school, high school, and college levels. He is the director of Proactive Sports and travels the country speaking to various groups about youth sports.
Bruce's core message is as follows...
If your kid’s goal (for playing sports) is different from your goal… then throw your goal away and adopt your child's. Sports are the safest place for your kid to take the inevitable risks that adolescents will seek out – so let them go and make their mistakes in sports!
Coach Brown and his associates have conducted numerous studies using athletes of all levels. One of the these studies asked the athlete "What do you want your parents to say to you after a game?"
The resounding answer given by the overwhelming majority of these athletes is very simple and incredibly profound. All that needs to be said after any youth sporting event or game is:
“I love watching you play; I love watching you be part of a team.”
That's it. Not discussion of the game, not advice, but simply "I love watching you play".
There it is in as concise of a blog post as I can write over such an elaborate topic. The two powerful statements above come from men who have been top notch athletes and coaches. They have years of wisdom and knowledge to share with the public.
My hope in writing this blog post is to help at least one parent (or many parents) as you watch your child compete in sports. Remember to let your child know that you love them no matter how they perform in their given sport. Also let them know that you love watching them play, no strings attached.
God Bless,
Coach P
P.S. I'll add one personal story from my own athletic career. As a freshman in college I had been named the starter at my weight class. Two days later I was injured in practice and feeling devastated. I called my Dad and he said these words that changed my wrestling career... "Chad you don't have to wrestle. You can come back to Oklahoma and go to a school closer to home."
Hearing my Dad say that I didn't have to wrestle lifted a 1000 pound weight off my shoulders that I had been carrying for years. As a Hall of Fame coaches son I was expected to wrestle. I was good at it, but the pressure was tremendous and I felt I had to wrestle to make others proud of me. When my Dad told me that I had an option, something in my brain clicked. I thought to myself "I don't have to wrestle because anyone else wants me to wrestle. I can wrestle because I want to wrestle and my Dad loves me either way."
You see, he had always loved me, but I felt I needed to impress him by winning all the time. When I realized that didn't matter to him, then I became a better wrestler. I found the passion that I had as a youth and went on to become a College All-American!
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